Book Review: Hard Merchandise

Source: Amazon.com

Star Wars: Hard Merchandise, by K.W. Jeter

From the book's cover: Boba Fett fears only one enemy--the one he cannot see....

Feared and admired, respected and despised, Boba Fett enjoys a dubious reputation as the galaxy's most successful bounty hunter. Yet even a man like Boba Fett can have one too many enemies....

When Boba Fett stumbles across evidence implicating Prince Xizor in the murder of Luke Skywalker's aunt and uncle, Fett makes himself an enemy even he fears: the unknown mastermind behind a monstrous deception, who will kill to hide his tracks. Fett also finds himself in possession of an amnesiac young woman named Neelah, who may be the key to the mystery--or a decoy leading Fett into a murderous ambush. Fett's last hope is to run through the list of Xizor's hidden enemies. And since Xizor's hidden enemies are almost as legion as Fett's, the chance of survival is slim--even for someone as skilled and relentless as Boba Fett.

The review: I kinda, sorta, maybe liked this fairly short novel (granted, it was an abridged version), but would certainly not read it more than once, nor would I recommend it to any but completionists, die-hard Star Wars fans or... well that is about it.  Now I must confess, as I write these notes, I am not entirely sure I read this book in the series as it is intended sequentially. Some time ago I read and reviewed the first novel in the Bounty Hunter Wars series, and thought enough of it (though admittedly just barely enough of it) to read further. And when I started listening to the audiobook version of Hard Merchandise, the intro mentioned it was "part three" of the series. I had tried to choose the second book when I loaded the thing on my headphones (headphones being my colloquial term for my MP3 device), but maybe I picked poorly. I'm not crazy about the idea of reading another series out of order, let me tell ya.  But these books in abridged format are quite short, so maybe I'll push on.

The author, K.W. Jeter. / Source: angryrobotbooks.com

By way of plot, we have a continuation of the intrigues of the first book, The Mandalorian Armor.  Although I am pretty sure I did miss something, because we begin on a ship called the Hound's Tooth, which if I recall correctly is the bounty hunter Bossk's ship. How did we get here? It has been a long time since I read the first book, but I don't remember this. The plot does explain where Bossk is, about halfway through, but how...? I missed it.  Author's Note: I went back and checked, and I indeed read these books out of order.  Hard Merchandise appears to be book three of a trilogy.  The second one, Slave Ship, I have overlooked.  I may yet read and review it in the future.  Maybe.  If they weren't abridged, I'd most probably pass.

The plot alternates between a time just after the events of Star Wars - A New Hope, and the concluding scenes of Return of the Jedi.  On the post-New Hope side, there is some intrigue regarding how Boba Fett brought in a bounty on a rogue stormtrooper, and how he delivered this trooper to a space spider creature who is a sort of wheeler-dealer type. The spider creature is actually in the process of being betrayed by one of his offspring. And Shadows of the Empire's key villain, Prince Xizor, features in all this too. In fact, there is this whole big deal about how Xizor was involved in the deaths of Luke Skywalker's aunt and uncle, and how if Luke had known Xizor's criminal organization, Black Sun, had been involved, it may have changed the whole way events happened, since it wouldn't have been a clear-cut case of Luke going off to join the Rebel Alliance against the Empire, but maybe he'd have gotten involved against Black Sun instead.  What significance that is, I really didn't care.  But that's the plot, folks.  Take it or leave it.  Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight, fighting a criminal syndicate?  Sounds vaguely Batman-ish to me.

Old scheming Prince Xizor plays a minor role in the novel.  The best thing about this character is the name of his criminal syndicate.  "Black Sun."  That's got all sorts of nuance, don't ya think? / Source: fantasyflightgames.com

Then the book's action shifts to Return of the Jedi's period, where Fett is hauling around fellow bounty hunter Dengar (in a partnership role, no less) and some former slave dancer from Jabba the Hutt's palace named Neela.  This Neela chic is apparently suffering from a mind wipe, and is actually royalty. There is some intrigue about Kuat, the planet where the Empire get all its star ships built, and powerful forces are working to do... stuff. To be honest, it got a little convoluted.  We end with the Rebel Alliance victorious at Endor, and with Dengar happy with his fiance, and Fett off to do more bounty hunter stuff. The thing with Neela? I lost track. She ends up as royalty in the end (sorry to ruin that plot tidbit).  But as for the hows and whys and what-fors?  Sorry. Read it yourself if you now have a burning desire to find out.

To the book's credit, there are a few segments that were interesting to me. I liked the action sequences, including Boba Fett's rescue of and then subsequent tussle with the rogue stormtrooper on board Slave 1. And the betrayal, death, and then semi-resurrection of the wheeler-dealer spider creature was kinda cool.  However, the mind wipe subplot on the Neela character, and political junk regarding her and the planet Kuat?  It bored me, to be blunt.  Star Wars Extended Universe fiction is an admittedly mixed bag, and as someone who has read way too much of it in my days, I can only say that this book is not among the best I've read. It isn't the worst I've seen either, thankfully.  But I wouldn't read it again.

As I think I said in the review of the last book I read in this series (The Mandalorian Armor), I can't see the bounty hunter Dengar as a good guy. Yes, we see a few seconds of him on screen in Empire Strikes Back, all wrapped up in bandages and looking kinda pathetically tough, so how can I really judge?  But making him utterly sympathetic seemed down-right silly to me.  He's a bounty hunter.  Yes, bounty hunters are people too.  And the plot mentions him as being highly in debt and so forced to ply his particular talents to be a bounty hunter.  But really, why would he be among the rogue's gallery of bounty hunters in Vader's presence in that scene in Empire if he is just a misunderstood soul?  I don't like it, and you can't MAKE me like it.  The book's resolution regarding Dengar seemed both convenient and kind of thin.  But I'll leave that to the potential reader.  Hey, you might like it.  I thought it was far too tidy and... well more than a little cliche.

Bounty hunters in the Star Wars Universe always get the swankiest outfits.  This is the scene from Empire Strikes Back in which the five characters above are introduced, Boba Fett (center-right) being most significant.  Dengar (the figure in brown armor and white...  well they always looked like bandages to me, but I suppose they could be scarf-like wraps like the Bedouins wear), is another major player in the Bounty Hunter Wars series by Jeter. / Source: starwars.wikia.com

Also, I thought the book's handling of Boba Fett was far too talky. Granted, the author tried to make him gritty. And Fett is something of an enigma and a matter of bias (people could argue Fett's personality endlessly, and I'm sure someone, somewhere, on some Star Wars internet forum, is doing that right this very second), but I didn't buy Jeter's take on him. Too much talking, even if it was clipped and brusque.

And again, the subplot with Neela and Kuat and Neela's sister all that? I lost the thread of the story because I just didn't gel with it. It was not compelling to me.   Perhaps the arrangements fault.  If I had read the books in order, maybe I would care more about these people.  But somehow, I doubt it.  They aren't strong characters, when compared to the bounty hunters being fleshed out here.  Heck, as I said, I think the bounty hunters aren't getting their due justice in this series either, so that doesn't say much.

So that's it. I've come fill-circle back to my initial observation. I wouldn't recommend Hard Merchandise to any but those who are particularly hard core Star Wars fans, or to you completionists who, like me, feel they just have to know what happens, given the time investment you made by reading through the first one.

Learn more about Star Wars: Hard Merchandise, by K.W. Jeter, on Amazon.com


The parting comment:

A three-parter for Star Wars-related humor today.  The one with a cross-over for Samus Aran of Metroid fame...  I don't recognize the guy in blue, but Fett crushing on Aran is a little funny.  The "Bounty" paper towels one is also amusing.  But the last one?  My favorite.

Source: bobafettfanclub.com

 

Source: pintrest.com

Source: funny-pictures.picphotos.net



I'm putting a bounty out for information from anyone who can explain what was actually going on in this photo.  It's a pretty small bounty, but a reward will be given for verifiable details about the scene pictured above.